What does biblical friendship look like?

John 13:1–17

            13Now before the festival of the Passover, Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart from this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. ²The devil had already put it into the heart of Judas son of Simon Iscariot to betray him. And during supper ³Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going to God, ⁴got up from the table, took off his outer robe, and tied a towel around himself. ⁵Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was tied around him. ⁶He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” ⁷Jesus answered, “You do not know now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” ⁸Peter said to him, “You will never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no share with me.” ⁹Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” ¹⁰Jesus said to him, “One who has bathed does not need to wash, except for the feet, but is entirely clean. And you are clean, though not all of you.” ¹¹For he knew who was to betray him; for this reason he said, “Not all of you are clean.” ¹²After he had washed their feet, had put on his robe, and had returned to the table, he said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? ¹³You call me Teacher and Lord—and you are right, for that is what I am. ¹⁴So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. ¹⁵For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you. ¹⁶Very truly, I tell you, servants are not greater than their master, nor are messengers greater than the one who sent them. ¹⁷If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.

            Years ago we lived in the town of Livingston and I served three small rural churches (most of my parishioners were dairy farmers.) At that time I started a program that I called “physical visitation” where I would lend myself out for a day to help on somebody’s farm.

            I figured out right away that nobody was going to let me touch their cows; the cows were literally the farmer’s “bread and butter” which meant that they were way too important to leave in the care of an amateur like me but I did get a chance to do a lot of other things like shoveling out silos and cleaning the aisle and the gutter in the barn (which in a dairy barn is where all of the stuff you don’t want gets collected…the stuff that can give a dairy barn it’s unique fragrance.)

            In most dairy barns there are automated systems that move the manure from the barn to a storage facility (because later the manure gets spread on the field; I got to do that too) but there is still some scraping and spraying that needs to be done to keep things as clean as possible.

            I’m guessing that even for dairy farmers, cleaning the aisle and the gutter is not high on their list of “things I like to do,” but it is a job that needs to be done and it doesn’t take a lot of skill so it is often a job given to the kids or to the new pastor.

            I don’t really know if my “physical visitation” program had any impact on these parishioners BUT it had an impact on me. I learned a lot about farming and I got better acquainted with the people I was SUPPOSED TO BE ministering too.

            In terms of the work I was doing, I don’t know if it was a “good” experience for these farmers but I can say that it was a “good” experience for me. Doing “grunt” work all day and coming home smelling like the barn gave me a whole different perspective on my life. Everyone should spend some time in the barn.

            This morning we are talking about ACTS OF HUMILITY and cultivating friendships.

            In this passage from John 13 we are talking about a similar teaching experience. Jesus and his disciples had gathered in an “upper room” in order to eat the Passover meal together and in the middle of this meal Jesus got up and began to wash his disciples’ feet. This was an important lesson for them and an important lesson for us.

 “Do you know what I have done to you? ¹³You call me Teacher and Lord—and you are right, for that is what I am. ¹⁴So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. ¹⁵For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you.  John 13:12-15

            In the church we have always had a tendency to be enamored by what Jesus said and did. That’s as it should be, but what this has meant is that we have had a tendency to try to replicate or duplicate the events THAT JESUS WAS A PART OF. It’s kind of like a game of spiritual “follow the leader.” Again, this is not a bad thing, it’s just that if we aren’t careful we will follow the actions and miss the point.

            Jesus washing his disciples’ feet is one of those events that we have felt like we should replicate some how and so, over the years I’ve floated the idea of having a foot washing ceremony (usually) as a part of our Maundy Thursday WORSHIP celebration AND what I’ve discovered (and fairly quickly) is that people in this part of the world really don’t want anyone doing anything with their feet. They will let you wash their hands, they might even let you wipe off their faces but anything to do with the feet seems to be off limits.

            I don’t know what it is about feet. Maybe we’re just embarrassed by dry skin and toenail fungus. Maybe we spend so much time covering them in socks and shoes that we don’t like to show them off. Maybe it’s just because it tickles.

            But to be honest about it, trying to incorporate a foot washing ceremony into a worship service might be one of those examples of trying to follow so closely that we miss the point.

            In Jesus’ day, foot washing wasn’t an act of worship, it was really much more mundane. People didn’t have lots of fancy footwear and they either walked barefooted or they wore simple sandals. What this meant was that people’s feet were always dirty.

            When you were a guest in someone’s home it was normal for them to offer you a chance to wash your feet OR to wash your feet for you. They were doing this to welcome you. This was all about hospitality. When one person did it for others, it was considered a menial task of service; something you did (not because you liked it, but) because you cared.

            So, when Jesus took off his outer robe and began to wash his disciples feet it could have been interpreted by them as an act of common hospitality but the disciples understood it to be a task that might be assigned to a servant (kind of like cleaning the AISLE AND THE gutters) and the conversation that Jesus had with his disciples is pretty clear that this was, indeed, a lesson in humility and service.

            It may have been that Jesus thought his disciples needed a very clear (and powerful) lesson on what makes a person “great.” In Luke’s rendition of the story of the Last Supper there was a point during the meal where the disciples began to argue about who would be the greatest. This could have been that exact moment when Jesus got up from the meal, wrapped a towel around his waist, and began to wash their feet.

            When you look at this event in the context it is fairly clear that JESUS wasn’t SAYING, “WASH EACH OTHER’S FEET.” Aside from the fact that we have some sort of toe phobia, washing someone’s feet WOULD BE way TOO EASY; a little water, a soft towel and we’re done.

            What Jesus WAS SAYING WAS “SERVE EACH OTHER.” Don’t think of yourself as better than someone else. Don’t begin to think that other people are beneath you or that getting your hands dirty for God’s Kingdom is other people’s work. Washing someone’s feet would be easy. Serving each other is HARD but we have been called to do the “hard” thing.

            I’ve said the same thing about the Lord’s Prayer. I DON’T BELIEVE THAT JESUS was saying THAT WE SHOULD PRAY THE LORD’S PRAYER. He didn’t say, “This is then what you should pray.” He SAID, “This is then how you should pray.”

⁹ “This, then, is how you should pray: “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, 

                             +Matthew 6:9 (NIV)

            No matter how comforting the Lord’s Prayer is for us, we have to admit that MEMORIZING and reciting THE PRAYER IS relatively EASY. PRAYING TO A GOD WHO IS CREATOR, LORD, PROVIDER, COMFORTER, FORGIVER AND GUIDE REQUIRES much MORE FOCUS. It requires that we invest some of our heart in it AND we have been called to invest our hearts IN ALL THAT WE DO.

            This seems to be a common denominator in much of Jesus teaching. If your heart isn’t in it then (no matter how grandiose you make it) maybe you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Maybe it has no meaning. Maybe it is even a sin.

            What we are supposed to learn is that servant hood needs to be something that is an expression of who we are. Being a servant needs to be part of our spiritual DNA; written into the very fabric of our lives BUT IN ORDER FOR that to happen we have to become people who care.

            SO, WE are (once again) HAVING a conversation about what is going on INSIDE our hearts. We are talking about what drives us, about what motivates us, about what is at the core of all that we say and do.

            THE APOSTLE JOHN said,

²³And this is his commandment, that we should believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. 1 John 3:23

            It seems according to John that love follows faith and that what we need to develop is a foundation of faith upon which our new (and radical) lives of sacrificial love can be built.

            When you listen to the liturgy of the traditional marriage ceremony it highlights this progression. When the rings are exchanged the bride and groom are both asked to say,

In token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love with this ring I thee wed.

            This happens to be what the Bible says. We give ourselves to our Savior and it changes our lives. Our faith becomes the rock upon which our love grows and is expressed.

            So, what Jesus is calling us to do is to “trust” HIM and in that act of surrender allow Jesus to transform our hearts; to make us into new people (with new motivations). He is asking us to trust him to make us into the kind of people who care about people.

            My theological bias is that I don’t think that this is something we are capable of doing on our own. First of all we come into the world “broken” (not bad or evil, but broken), which tends to make us self-focused and we learn to live out of our weaknesses.

            Then, we (in particular) spend way too much time living in a world that teaches us that the “ends justify the means” and that the only thing that matters is “the bottom line.” You and I are a product of a system that tells us everyday that the most important thing in life is to look good and have lots of money. This makes the message that Jesus proclaimed hard for us to embrace. It seemed like it was counter cultural in Jesus’ day; it is even more counter cultural today.

            What Jesus was showing ALL OF his disciples was that we can become people who love the lord our God with everything we have and then we can take that relationship out into the world and love the people around us sacrificially; even if it requires that we do something as mundane as wash people’s feet.

            My assumption is that if you and I are willing to embrace this new life in Christ and you and I are then learning to live out our love for the people around us then we won’t have any trouble finding friends.

            Or if you want to put this back into the terms of my “physical visitation” program we might say, “If you are willing to clean up their manure maybe you are the kind of person that they can trust with their cows.”

            Give yourself to Jesus, see yourself becoming a new person and let your new life touch the people around you. We might call this “cultivating” friendship.

            Becoming a friend of God should make you a good friend all the way around.