A Child In The Best Possible Way

I recently finished up (hopefully) raking and bagging 40 bags of leaves. It was quite a switch for me because the house we moved from had a row of pine trees in the back (read that as no leaves) and one small maple tree in the front yard and most of those leaves blew away before I ever got a chance to pick up a rake. The house we live in now has a nice selection of mature trees, which provide good shade in the summer and good exercise in the Fall. I should have seen it coming.

When I was 10, leaves were all about playing. We would rake up huge piles of leaves just so we could jump in them. Once we got tired of jumping we would spread them out into rows and move the rows around to make the outline of a house (complete with leaf furniture) and then pretend to live there.

When I was a child, the falling leaves were something to celebrate, but today those same leaves have become mostly a nuisance. The leaves haven’t changed. They still smell the same and they still crackle when you step on them. The only thing that has changed is me.

So, I began asking myself, “Is this what it means to get old? Have I become so jaded to the world around me that I no longer have a sense of wonder in my soul; a bit of whimsy in my life?” I’m afraid the answer might be, “yes.”

I tell myself that I’ve just gotten responsible and that this is called “maturity.” I tell myself that this is what is supposed to happen but then I remember that Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” (Luke 18:17) and I wonder about losing touch with the child I once was.

Then, it struck me that part of my Christian journey might be to re-learn something that I once intuitively knew but have lost along the way. The real issue might not have anything to do with being old or having an abundance of leaves. The real issue might be how much I trust Jesus.

I (like so many others) may have simply decided to let the challenges of life dictate my response to life. Without really thinking about it I’m afraid that I have said to God that He can take a break because I've got it handled and then I come to those reflective moments when I realize just how much of a burden that really is. I'm starting to have sympathy for the OT people of Israel.

To jump or not jump is not the question. To trust or not to trust is. I think I want to be a child again, in the best possible way.