February 22:
So, I’ve been off blog for a while, but I have a good reason. Or maybe I should say that I have a bunch of reasons. Three weeks ago just before Sunday services the District Superintendent (my supervisor) sat in my office and asked me to consider taking a different appointment. In short, I was being asked to move from Fort Atkinson (where I have served for fifteen years) to serve the Church in Elm Grove.
The idea of moving wasn’t really a problem. Of course it would be hard to leave the home where we raised our children and the many friends we have made over the past fifteen years. But, when I decided to go into this line of work I signed up to go where I was sent. I fully expected that one day we would be asked to move to another assignment.
The problem with the whole process was that I was asked to make this move on Sunday, the 31st of January and then I was expected to keep it all a secret until yesterday and we did. But, it was three weeks of not sleeping and not eating well. It would make a great weight loss program if I could figure out some way of synthesizing the constant anxiety.
If you throw into the mix three funerals, one of those for the 22-year-old son of our office manager, a boy I’ve seen grow up for the last fifteen years and you might understand a bit of the tension I was feeling. I was having a hard time even writing in complete sentences. This is not intended to be a “pity party” and I’m not looking for sympathy. I just wanted to clarify the reasons for my silence…and maybe vent a little bit…OK, maybe just a little sympathy.
But, what’s been bothering me beneath the surface of all this tension is that I keep hearing those words in my head, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.” Philippians 4:6 (that’s in the New Testament.)
“Be anxious for nothing?” I understand the “prayer and supplication” part. This making “my requests known to God” thing is easy for me. I believe in prayer. I believe it draws me closer to my Lord and gives me the perspective I sometimes desperately need. I want God to hear about my wants and needs. It keeps me open and honest with Him. This I can do.
I get the “with thanksgiving” part. There isn’t anything I have that hasn’t come to me directly from this God who has loved me first. Thanksgiving is fundamental. But, I’ve learned a thing or two about anxiety over these last three weeks and I have been reminded, again, of just how small my faith can be.
So, I guess the bar has just been raised a bit and I have just identified another one of my growing edges. This is a good thing because I do want to grow in my faith. I’ve been reminding my congregation that being a Christian is not a sprint it is a marathon. I am in it for the long haul.
